Movies
Before I Fall
MOVIE REVIEW: Before I Fall
Just saw BEFORE I FALL.
Start with GROUNDHOG DAY. Strip Phil Conners of everything interesting about his personality, make him the beta-bitch mean girl, and send him to high school.
Now find anything emotionally resonant that happens between characters along with any subtlety or subtext and put that shit right in the text. Turn it into ham-handed dialogue or dump it into the incessant voice over.
Congratulations. You’ve made BEFORE I FALL.
Originally posted March 4, 2017
Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014
Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014 – by Ken Bolding
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014 combines the depth of character of a boy band (the strong one, the smart one, the horny one, and the other one), with a visual style almost as good as Transformers IV, razor-sharp storytelling almost as good as Transformers III, wit and originality almost as good as Transformers II, and a Megan Fox almost as good as Transformers I. Even with all that, it was only almost as bad as if Michael Bay had directed it. Almost.
There’s some potential there. Some of the fighting was cool, and I thought Megan Fox did well with what she was given. Now that they’ve gotten the endless exposition of the origin story out of the way, maybe they’ll come back with a stronger script for the sequel. There will likely be one. I think kids might like it.
My biggest problem with it is that it is almost completely lacking in emotional resonance. I wish Caesar (Dawn of the Planet of the Apes) and Rocket (Guardians of the Galaxy) would throw these turtles a beat-down. Now *that’s a movie I’d go to see… twice!
The Algorithm Knows What You Need*
The Algorithm Knows What You Need*
-by Ken Bolding
My electronic devices continue to do weird things. This time I was buying a movie ticket online, and the app put me in a seat between two strangers in a nearly empty movie theatre.
I wonder if the people on either side know one another. Probably not.
*”The Algorithm knows what you need” was a comment, made by David Ellis Dickerson, to the original Facebook Status Update.
Third Person (in first person)
Third Person (in first person)
– by Ken Bolding
I just saw the movie “Third Person.” As the crowd exited, an old woman asked her husband a question about it that he couldn’t answer. I volunteered an answer, which led to another question, and then another couple. And another question and another couple.
I ended up in the lobby, surrounded by senior citizens, as I fielded their questions and explained the plot to them. Good thing this didn’t happen after “Transformers.” I’d have had nothing.
Movie Review: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Movie Review – by Ken Bolding
I loved Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. It is different in tone that its predecessor Rise of the Planet of the Apes, which I also thought was fantastic. It wasn’t at all what I expected. “Dawn” isn’t really an action movie. It’s much more cerebral than you’d expect in a movie about a bunch of apes taking over the world.
And to its credit, this film is distinctly from the apes’ point of view. At times, the human parts are a bit underwritten; so we get stars like Gary Oldman and Keri Russell without much to do, but this movie is titled Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, not Sunset of the Planet of the Humans. This film is ultimately a reflection on war and politics in conflicts where despite the outcomes of the battles, no one wins because even the victors don’t get what they really want, peace.
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